Becoming Domestic

I’ve been revising my knowledge of Gina Ford’s baby routines like a fiend since getting a new copy of her latest edition of the
‘The New Contented Little Baby Book: The Secret to Calm and Confident Parenting‘ .

When we first had the twins 5 years ago I was ready to put both babies out for collection with the glass recycling by the time we’d had them at home for 10 weeks. I could never leave the house, one or other or both were always crying, finding time to get myself dressed let alone getting teeth brushed and deodorant applied was tricky. On top of this we were invariably up feeding at least two - four times each night. For us it was hellish.

Respite came in the form of discovering Gina Ford and her miraculous baby routines when a copy of the TAMBA (Twins & Multiple Birth Association) magazine arrived with an article entitled ‘Do Parents of Twins Ever Sleep Again?’.

The article was all about introducing a tried and tested regular daily routine which meant each baby was fed before it was screaming the house down with dehydration/hunger, each baby was settled into their cot with curtains drawn at the precise moment they showed signs of being tired and the parents were secure in the knowledge that there would be several baby-free slots in the day (nap times) where essential chores could be achieved as well as the frequently overlooked tasks of eating & drinking (especially important for nursing mothers) and ‘luxury’ tasks like brushing hair, cooking dinner, speaking to a member of the outside world on the phone could be fitted in, even anticipated!

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I had such an inspiring post from a woman called Caz who has 5 children who admitted that getting housework done is a challenge but this very blog had inspired her. I was so flattered and so pleased that she’d written to me I thought I’d stop thinking about the garden for a while and think back to my new found skills of (basic) household management & how I keep on top of things when I’m so easily distracted & housework can be so repetitive, never ending and thankless drudgery.

Our house and my kids lives are relatively well managed due to a few basic mantras (mainly pinched from the FlyLady in the US):

1. Keep to a routine. My watch broke this week and it’s only now without it I realise how hooked we are to having lunch, snacks, bath and bedtimes at the same time each & every day. I discovered this miraculous way of living when the kids were just 10 weeks old and before this revelation I honestly thought I was going to have to run away to a foreign country I found new motherhood so awful & unpredictable. Our timetable for life with the 4 year olds is still basically the same routine we implemented back then (and regained sanity and peaceful lives) albeit with fewer naps and no more hour-long milk feeds.

   7am wake up; 8am tv off, breakfast, unload dishwasher, get dressed, washed, teeth brushed; 10.30am snack time for them (toast, milk)/breakfast for me; 12 noon lunchtime; 3pm snack time; 4pm tv allowed on (son glued to it, daughter helping me with whatever I’m doing in kitchen/garden); 5pm tea time; 6pm bath time & story; 7pm bedtime; 8pmish grown ups dinner; 10-11pm shower/bath, start dishwasher, bedtime.Another more relaxed routine I have is to do same chores on same day each week so that if it’s Monday I know it must be change bed sheets day, Wednesday is empty all bins and recycling as the bin men come early Thursday, shop for groceries on Friday.

2. ‘Progress not perfection’. I no longer get palpitations at the enormity of a series of tasks need to achieve abolute 100% tip-top condition and no longer shy away from a task. Eg. if all the flower beds in this house are over grown with weeds the fact that I’ve started weeding one of them is great, I’ll do some more on it when I can.
3. ‘Pick up after yourself’ & ‘Use loads of wicker baskets to chuck things in’ then every so often take the full one at the bottom of the stairs up to the top. I’ve got one right here next to me that I’ve chucked paperwork to be filed in. Tomorrow I’ll sort the papers into my filing cabinet and the basket may then be used to collect ‘things that really live downstairs’ or ‘things that the kids keep in their room’ or ‘library books to return’ or ‘cups/glasses from Bealers’ office that need a wash’. You get the picture. I wouldn’t be without my wicker baskets.
4. Leave a room in the state you would wish to find it in on entering it (ie. when leaving the house at least clear the breakfast things off the table and give it a quick wipeover instead of being greated by encrusted bowls of sour milk and cereals when you arrive home at the end of the day).
5. So much more can be done in 2, 5 or 10 minutes than one imagines. While the bath is running and the kids are ‘hiding’ in their duvet covers from one another I’ve got time to hang a basket of clothes on the airer or put away a folded basket of dry clothes, while the kids are in the bath I can wipe the sink and the loo (oh here’s another one… ‘A clean loo is so much easier to keep clean’ just a quick wipe round the boys area with a bit of toilet tissue is all it takes - it’s less yucky than wiping a baby’s bottom), write a list or a thank you note.
6. Get complete outfits ready for yourself and the kids before the morning. This doesn’t have to be last thing at night as I used to do (and then realise I was too tired to be bothered), the clothes can be put out as kids are getting ready for bed. This way no-one is running around looking for clean socks, matching trousers the next morning when time is short and tempers are too sleepy to be nice.
7. Wear lipstick/do hair nice and wear ok clothes instead of stained t-chirts, tracksuit bottoms. On the days when I remember this one (thanks Anna P. you domestic goddess) I’m pleased I did as I feel a better woman and the kids always say nice things about me looking so pretty. On the days I don’t I invariably wish I did as someone will ask me whether I’m ill or I’ll randomly bump into an old flame from yesteryear (damn that).
8. (This one can be hard) Remembering to feel the love for the house and the people in it when you are doing the same old, same old each day. As I peg out the clothes on the washing line each day & then dash to get them in before it pours with rain I try to look at each of the smaller garments and marvel at the fact that my kids are still so cute and small (usually at this point they start screaming at each other, pulling hair etc), that we’re lucky to have such nice things to look after, such nice food from the supermarket to put away, lovely lawn to mow, nice bed linen to lie in.

   The flipside of my constant guilt at how privelaged we are in western society compared with so many with so little is to be constantly grateful for my lot - I have extremely good health, a husband who loves and provides for me, a house which is more than adequate for my needs, a fine selection of clothes, healthy bright kids etc etc etc. If things ever feel rubbish I try to recall all of this instead of thinking ‘I can’t believe I only vacuumed this floor yesterday and now it’s covered in rice krispies and bits of paper again’. There are so many women in this world who would give almost anything to be in my position. Another thing which is not such a positive way of being grateful for my current role is the profound awareness that this period in my life is relatively short lived. My kids will be grown up and the house will be a very quiet, tidy place for a long time after they stop living here. It makes me sad to think this but somehow does enable me to appreciate being chief housekeeper right now…

Beatrix is Three

by Adrian Mitchell

At the top of the stairs

I ask for her hand. O.k.

She gives it to me.

How her fist fits my palm

A bunch of consolation.

We take our time

Down the steep carpetway

As I wish silently

That the stairs were endless.

What we ate today:

(Kids) Eggie Bread / French Toast & Frankfurters for lunch, Cauliflower cheese & refried new potatoes for tea.

(Grown ups) Hungarian beef goulash casserole with boiled rice

My oldest friend (from 1984) and I have children the same age (Hannah was born a few weeks after our twins in 2003) but she and her husband now have gorgeous non-ID twin baby girls too who are now 7 months old.

I stayed the night with them on Saturday while I was in London as couldn’t resist an opportunity to see Deborah, John and their brood and as I remarked to them they are the picture of tranquility and happiness and seem to find their recent additions to the family far easier than when they first became parents.

Deborah is a firm believer in sticking to a strict routine with her babies as she is able to plan around the babies’ feeding & sleep times. She knows that at 9am when the little ones go down for their morning nap she will have 30 mins in which she is able to get herself washed and dressed, similarly at lunchtime she is able to have a good chunk of time (usually up to 2 hours) where she can do many of the household chores which can’t be done when two babies are needing entertaining and cuddling. Deborah is also able to spend time with the babies’ big sister knowing that three times a day the babies will be asleep at the same time.

Deborah and I both love Gina Ford’s ‘Contented Little Baby’ book with its detailed prescriptive schedules for young babies. I only discovered her book when my kids were nearly 3 months old and it brought me sanity when I thought I would never be able to get a handle on being mummy to two babies but Deborah’s youngest children have been in the ‘Gina routine’ since they were born. The whole family are obviously thriving on it as they have radiant good looks, energy, a really lovely clean house and super super children.

Well done Debba you are really special. xxx