Becoming Domestic

I do know that we are extraordinarily lucky living where we do and living the way we do. We have three beautiful, healthy little kids, great friends and family etc etc etc but very occasionally, when I’m tired, or have too many things going on at once and feel under it I need a reminder about how fortunate we are.

This week I was getting irritated with myself for not having a house which was nice and tidy all the time (mainly because the boiler needs fixing and all the shelves with all the stuff on are taken down in anticipation of the repair man coming on the day he said he would). I also always feel a little inadequate when I visit a friend’s house for the first time and see how neatly they are able to keep their house compared to the way ours always seems to look despite our best efforts. When we went to a bbq at another family house this weekend I asked the hostess how she managed to keep such a lovely home and wrote her answers down. This was great for me as its something that is rarely discussed between us girls and somehow I managed to miss out on how to keep house as I grew up. She made it sound so easy and stressed that she wasn’t mad on housework but does love the results. Here are the weekly routines she uses.

Mon: Bathrooms

Tues: Dusting, mirrors, windows, clean kitchen floors, online shopping delivery put away

Wed: Beds and a ‘zone’ (ie. one main area like the lounge, the main bedroom, kids bedroom)

Thurs: Hoover rooms and an extra good hoover in the zone

Fri: Bleach kitchen surfaces and do the floor

Sat: Order food online

Sun: Clean fish tank

I do remind myself
(a) that I don’t live in a modern house and that in itself gives our house a more shabby country chic look along with the fact that a large percentage of the things we own are from second hand sources.
(b) I have a newish baby, a part time role with Bealers’ firm, and two messy five year olds who are given more stuff (toys & clothes) than we can actually cope with by their four loving sets of grandparents so have not enough time and too much stuff to make the house the minimalist zen-like environment I dream of.
(c) by following a few simple housework rules it is super-easy to go from a house which feels horribly messy (especially after the weekend with grass and mud being trampled into one which feels orderly and well tended with not much effort.
(d) There is probably a good case for ceasng to hang out with friends who have super huge, gorgeous houses with small armies of cleaning staff as I tend to look at our own home in a poor light after visiting them but I can’t as they’re my chums. I’ll just have to re-read this post and resist any kind of urge to feel envy for others.

As the Massive Attack lyric goes

‘Though you may not drive a great big cadillac
Gangster whitewalls tv antenna in the back
You may not have a car at all
But just remember brothers and sisters
You can still stand tall
Just be thankful for what you’ve got’

Two posts from fellow simple-life, green and frugal bloggers were really inspiring to me this week. The lovely pictures on Ted & Agnes blog of a beautiful family home with gorgeous home made and second hand treasures made me open my eyes to some areas of our home (obviously not the piles of laundry waiting to be put away, or the kids playroom with the toys all out on the floor) and how nice some of the things we have picked up from Freecycle or second hand shops over the years are. Here are the pictures to show myself if ever I forget what a nice place it is:

Slightly broken mirror from my Grandfather - clearly says ‘Property of Buckingham Palace’ on the back, a picture of us moments after our marriage vows were exchanged in an East End pub with the registrars who did the deed.

More wedding paraphenalia - a remnant of the beautiful poem our friend Jane painted for us mural-style for the wedding (I left the comics in the picture as it reminds me that my son sits there to read)

The view from my bed as I feed my baby several times a day. How can I ever find anything to moan about with this outside the curtains?

My kids’ curtains made from popular Ikea fabric but brings an advance tear to my eye thinking of the days when they are no longer children and how this pattern will invoke memories of all the years of goodnight lullabies and sleepy chats. They have a nice view too.

Patchwork quilt from local charity shop, dressing table from car boot sale, hand painted name tags and better than all of this - the twins have learned to make their beds every morning!

The view from the baby’s nappy change unit.

Our veg garden - all Bealers own work this year as I’ve opted out completely

The other post which made me really stop beating myself up over the state of our house was from Finding Simplicity which lists out many of my favourite things to feel happy about as hers too.

I came up with a few things of my own to realise once in a while to:

1. The House-Spotless and Hotel-Like Auditors are **not** due to arrive tomorrow (or the day after, or ever actually).
2. The house I live in will be very clean and very quiet for all the many many years that my children are likely to be grown ups. My Gran is now 94, her son - my father is in his sixties. She has had five decades of not picking up his things, not treading on small toys, not asking him to be quiet and not washing up his porridge bowl . Presumably the cuddles dried up a lonnnng time ago too.
3. Finding the time to enjoy the smaller things makes a huge difference. Watching a blackbird feed a cherry to its young, the mother rabbit with quadruplet babies bounce around in the evening sun, my five year old daughter gently explore the contents of my sewing basket while I mend her bunny, my small baby learning to laugh, to feed, to use her hands, the warmth of sun on skin, a beautiful sunset, being able to phone my mum and dad for a chat and for advice, flowers. These are all things I enjoy. I am hugely rich.

As someone who used to have a job as a crisis management coordinator for a big global firm. I realised this weekend while talking to my uncle about oil prices and how heavily our island society depends on oil to transport food that my young family is currently woefully ill-equiped to cope with any kind of disruption to everyday services.

Yes we do have a few potato, tomato and courgette plants growing but we certainly do not have enough basic supplies to keep our family healthy if there was ever an emergency which meant supermarket shelves ran empty (eg. no haulage firms willing to transport food if oil costs soared to unprofitable levels).

I’ve decided to invest in a contingency stock which will include enough food, water, basic medicines, washing equipment and enterntainment for us five if something untoward creates chaos in the supply chain to supermarkets and shops. I’ll need to store it all in the cellar in lidded crates so no errant rodents get to it before me.

My uncle’s stock consists of the following:

• Dried beans, mixed lentils, tinned foods, etc, and plenty of the basics such as tea, coffee, soap, toilet rolls, washing powder etc

and he assumes he would use water from a nearby rive or rainbutt. I would have to add children’s items such as kids’ painkillers. Our wind up radio and wind up torch may also come in handy.

Apparently it is key to check your stock every 6 months and use/replace items which are near their sell-by date.

It won’t take much effort or cash to put together these rations but may well be a real life saver if the unexpected occurs to our delicately balanced society which depends so heavily on various factors.

In the long term we’re putting plans in place to equip ourselves with skills which would be useful in leaner times (eg. rearing chickens and other animals for food, carpentry or plumbing, fishing, shooting), brushing up on first aid knowledge and also looking out for mechinal machinery which doesn’t require electricity (eg. carpet sweeper, hand operated drill, a rotary lawn mower, scythe).

If at the end of our lives we haven’t needed any of the things then we can pass them on to our children and they can do the same but at least we will have been prepared (one of the campaigns I ran when I worked in crisis management was “Expect the unexpected!”).

[NB: My crate of Tesco Value contingency food stuffs was delivered yesterday. Here’s what we now have in a dedicated crate to enable us to stay healthy for approximately 1 month. The sum total was £50 but would have been £37 without the 2 x Value Vodka!]

5 x Tesco Value Tinned Sweetcorn
10 x Tesco Value Instant Mash
10 x Tesco Value Baked Beans in Tomato Sauce
5 x Tesco Value Spaghetti in Tomato Sauce
10 x Tesco Value Tuna Flakes in Brine
4 x Tesco Value Long Grain Rice
20 x Tesco Value Bacon Flavour Instant Noodles
3 x Tesco Value Dried Skimmed Milk
4 x Tesco Value Eveporated Milk
5 x Tesco Value Clear Honey
3 x Tesco Value Jam
5 x Tesco Value Still Water (2 Litres)
2 x Tesco Still Water (5 litres)
5 pack of child resistant lighters
4 x Boxes matches
4 x toilet paper
2 x Paracetamol packs
2 x Ibuprofen packs
2 x Calpol packs
2 x Tesco Value Vodka
1 x Tesco value toothpaste
1 x jar instant coffee
1 x  bag tea bags

Hmmm. I’ve just been watching the boldest, chunkiest rat while I did the washing up. He/she/it was waddling around the path in the garden, popped up the apple tree and sat looking at me then waddled back down, had a sniff around the drain and the rubbish bin (no lid and generally has refuse sacks containing the week’s waste complete with holes made by a mystery creature) then waddled back to where I presume it sleeps in the ex-outdoor toilet which is now used as a garden store.

Until I came upstairs I thought little of the latest visible wildlife in our garden other than a fleeting ‘Gosh aren’t they sweet looking, nimble and intelligent too’

Turns out they have nasty diseases, nasty habits (like popping themselves up nearby sewage pipes and into one’s lavatory), can cause nasty things to happen (especially if they chomp through household electricity cables) and the only thing to do if you have signs of rats living near your premises are to kill the blighters. The best way to kill them is apparently with a rat trap.

Great. It wasn’t something I had on the to-do list but here goes - better start getting rid of them before they get the better of us and start being really cheeky like coming into the house. I’m a bit scared of traps though as I imagine they would hurt A LOT if it went off on a human finger or toe and with two daft five year olds living with us I guess we’ll have to wait until after their bedtime to set the things up.

The following advice is taken from the very helpful page at King County:

Rats are dangerous! They can ruin your food, destroy things in your home and start electrical fires. Rats and their fleas can carry disease.

Where do rats live outside?* Under wood piles or lumber that is not being used often
* Under bushes, vines and in tall grasses that are not trimmed or cut back
* Under rocks in the garden
* In cars, appliances and furniture that has been put outside and is no longer being used
* In and around trash and garbage that has been left on the ground
* In holes under buildings

Where do rats live inside the home?

* In the insulation of walls or ceilings
* Inside the crawl spaces
* Behind or under cupboards, counters, bathtubs and shower stalls
* Near hot water heaters and furnaces
* In basements, attics and wherever things are stored in boxes, paper or cloth

What foods brings rats into my yard and neighborhood?

Read the rest of this entry »

I added a reading list page for any other would-be domesticated types out there. It covers a broad spectrum of home finance management, saving money, household management, decluttering, being more organised, parenting, cooking and gardening:

http://www.becomingdomestic.co.uk/recommended-reading-list/ 

I’ve been back in the office for a couple of weeks now that the children have started school and are there Mon-Fri until 3pm each day.

For the first couple of weeks I had quite a backlog of paperwork and spreadsheets to bring up to date but now am able to do everything I need to by being there Mon-Thurs.

As a celebration of being on my own with nobody requiring my services until school finished last Friday I took myself for a long overdue haircut (awful I feel like a shorn sheep with unruly curls springing out from all over my head instead of hanging down in demure ringlets) & then a completely frivolous but highly enjoyable manicure & pedicure combo (still getting my money’s worth 3 days later everytime I catch a glimpse of my pampered, glossy digits) THEN topped it off with a really nice lunch in a really laid back but stylish, wholefoody cafe with two lady-friends. All *very* pleasant and lovely but not something I wish to make a weekly habit.

My dilema is what does one do with oneself on one short day when one doesn’t have small kids to take care of and not in the office….? I’m especially aware that such a once a week treat will only be available for a very limited time as by January I will be back in the 27-7-365 role of being mummy to a new baby. The pressure to relax and use this weekly slot to its maximum benefit is on!

Once upon a time the answer would have been to Go Shopping and I would have merrily meandered round retail establishments looking, touching and buying their wares. Nowadays I’m much more consumer conscious, have way too much stuff already and want to remain as thrifty as possible so I can have money for things that are actually important to me.

If I was still in London I would maybe visit a gallery or museum or meet a friend for lunch or coffee.  Maybe I should do that round here.

One  thing I very rarely make time to do and now use the constant small companions as an excuse is exercise. Admitedly I’m always on the go - bringing laundry downstairs or putting clean clothes away, ferrying meals or empty plates to/from the table. But why not make the time in my diary for a nice long riverside stroll, a swim, a yoga class or a bike ride. That sounds really appealing.

Something I know I’d love to get off my to do list (but am not so keen on actually doing) are all the little household jobs which aren’t easy to do when the children are here. I think I know in my heart that it is these seemingly boring tasks that would actually give me the most satisfaction and inner peace once they had been ticked off. Instead of telling myself it is ’sad’ to want to do such mundane things on such a precious alone time I’m going to give myself credit for knowing myself well enough to know what will make me feel like I’ve spent my free time well, that I’ve made our home environment even more lovely by spending time on it and with the help of some really loud music I reckon I’ll relish getting my hands dirty and having time and space to let my mind wander and achieve good things. What’s on my list?

• Do some gardening - plant some spring bulbs, clear the vegetable plot of its nasty blanket of weeds, clear the path of weeds, try to locate the flower border under yet more weeds, clear out summer tubs
• Take toys which are broken/ no longer played with out of the toy boxes and thrown away or Freecycled
• Get rid of unwanted / too small clothes, odd socks etc.
• Filing of papework, purging of old unrequired papers, sort out ‘In Case of Emergency’ summary details of life insurance policy details, bank account numbers, pension locations
• Put photographs into albums
• Donate surplus paperbacks to the library

The last idea I’ve just had as well as the ones listed above will be to take advantage of the ability to sleeeeeeep during the day. Shame it can’t be bottled up and used sparingly when really desperate for just the smallest of cat naps.

[Update: I decided not to write a note to the teacher after all as really don’t want to be a tricky customer]

I’m planning to write a quick note to the teacher/school on Monday as I need to nip a potential problem in the bud but I really don’t want to be known as the troublemaking parent just 5 days into the twins’ time at their new primary school.

I was in our office this morning writing some letters, sorting out financial forecasts and other bits and pieces when I took a phone call from the school’s office who had rang to tell me that my son had had a short sharp nose bleed. He was ok but would I please bring him a new jumper and polo shirt to wear. I was really taken aback and explained that I was at work. I queried how sodden the jumper was to warrant a parent going home tp personally courier in a fresh sweatshirt. The secretary said ‘Hold on a moment’ then came back to phone and said ‘Yes he is going to need a fresh change of clothes’. I imagined that he had managed to cover himself in blood and was soaked the the skin. Luckily I had planned to purchase a couple of extra school logo’d sweatshirts anyway and in my haste I asked her to sell me two and to put one on them (usually I am more inclined to buy 2nd hand school uniform for 50p per sweatshirt rather than £8 apiece) which I’m now regretting.

Errr both my husband and I had many many gushy nosebleeds as small children and neither of us recall having our parents involved in bringing in urgent fresh clothes.

Ten minutes later I took another call from the school secretary because my daughter had fallen on her head was allegedly groggy and needed to be taken home. Of course I went straight to the school to get her. As she she came out I was handed a plastic bag of her brother’s clothes. I got them out at home to soak in cold water and was curious to see that his ‘Blood stained jumper’ which had required me to leave work to swap actually had two smallish blobs of blood on the neckline and his polo shirt had a fifty pence piece sized splat on the collar.

I fail to see how a school can expect a parent to drop what they are doing in order to provide spotless clothes for a four year old child who has got a tiny bit grubby during the school day. Most perculiar. I have a definite need to get to the bottom of this rather strange policy. I mentioned the incident to one of the other mums (of four kids at the same school) while we were waiting for the school day to end in the playground she replied ‘Oh they’re terrible for doing that! They called me at work once to bring fresh trousers for my son just an hour before the end of the school day because the button had fallen off them’. She told them he could wear his PE trousers or they could fasten his trousers with a safety pin but she could not leave her shift at the shop an hour early for such a non-event.

(NB: The child who was sent home to me today because of a bumped head was full of beans all afternoon which was great for her but not so good for me. The strange thing is that when her brother suffered a bumped head earlier in the week and then proceeded to sleep all afternoon in the book corner I was only told at home time…. I am now officially a confused parent of small school children)

My lovely friend Bryony came over yesterday and sympathised with me about the huge number of fruit flies swarming around the kitchen as she had a similar experience last week. The children and I had returned from a long weekend away while Bealers was doing a long mountainous camping trip to find the plate of onions rescued from the garden had become a breeding ground for the aformentioned insects.

I thought I was doing a great job chasing them around with my spider vacuum and catching a few at a time but I feared they were multiplying faster than I could expel them. Luckily Bryony had a simple solution which has worked an absolute treat. Her advice was to first find the source (hers had been a rotten banana which must have escaped when she was putting groceries away under her kitchen cupboards, mine were the onions) then make a very simple trap using…

1. An empty plastic bottle

2. A small piece of banana skin (had to fish one off the compost heap)
3. A cone of paper (reused a drawing kindly supplied by Edie)

Put the banana skin inside the bottle, make a paper cone with a small whole to fit inside the bottle neck and fasten on using tape so flies can’t get out around the edge of the paper. Within a few hours the kitchen was clear of flies and they were all having a jolly old time feasting on the banana skin but couldn’t figure out how to get out.

I shall release them near to the compost heap where there is no shortage of rotten fruit to eat and new friends to mate with.

Oh dear. More than a few people have moaned at me for not writing & have asked me why I haven’t.

I’m not sure if why I haven’t written can be attributed to some of the things that have happened in the last month or so - I’m pretty sure they’re all contributory factors.

1. A month ago the kids broke up from pre-school for the summer, the day their summer holidays started so did the biblical style rains which resulted in our small riverside town being horrifically flooded & while we were personally unscathed (other than not able to get to our family business offices) we watched dramatic scenes being filmed outside our house, local people being airlifted, our employee Iain’s car had to be abandoned in flood water and several friends with young children are now refugees while their beautiful homes are officially condemned having being filled to waist height with filthy flood waterfor a couple of weeks.

My husband posted on his blog some of the pics we took during the week of the flooding

http://bealers.com/2007/07/23/the-island-that-is-upton/

The above two pics are taken from outside our house (whichis situated on a slight hill).

I was really weepy and physically felt symptoms of shock throughout the period. Even now that the flood waters have subsided the fact that the surrounding fields stink to high heaven and the skies are filled with huge numbers of mosquitos, the neighbouring caravan sites still have upturned caravans waiting to be taken away to scrap is affecting me. I no longer love living here and feel lucky that we are tenants in a rented house and are able to move to higher ground. I’m still saddend by all of i. I read today about the many farmers who lost all their winter feed crops and have 1 bale in their barns instead of 8000. I drove past our favourite pub which had recently undergone a massive refurbishment, its doors are closed to business.

2. Looking after two energetic, talkative four year olds all day and every day whilst pregnant is exhausting me. I miss the break of going to our office three days a week. Trying to get through the office admin at home with them playing noisely next to me isn’t as easy as I’d hoped it might be especially as one of the twins talks A LOT (I mean really a lot). The house never seems to be tidy and I feel like I am walking through treacle with every movement. I recall that when I was pregnant with the twins I used to stroll into the meeting room next to my desk, lock the door and take an afternoon nap. not much chance of that now although I must confess I’ve allowed the children more tv watching than usual and can occasionally nod off for 5 minutes kip before I’m required by them for something urgent.

3. The terrible constant of heavy rain we have had for all but a few days this summer have meant that instead of being ouside in the garden playing or tending to the flowers and vegetables we are all cooped up, washing takes an age to dry inside and as Nirvana / Kurt Cobain once said ‘Weather changes moods’. I’ve collapsed into bed early each night and even thinking of interesting things to write here has been a challenge let alone finding the time and energy to sit and write. There must be so many small businesses who depend on summery weather for their income who will find it hard this year. The same sodden load of washing has been dripping on the line for about 4 days now.

4. Vegetable garden has become a lost cause although not totally abandoned as we are still enjoying beautiful potatoes, onions, runner beans, courgettes, sweet peas and courgettes. The tomatoes failed to crop at all well and the few that the plants have managed have are still very green and hard due to the lack of sun. Its comical to think that for the past four years I enjoyed a relative glut of cherry tomatoes in our little tiny warm, sunny London garden - so much so that we were making great vats of pasta sauces to freeze. This year we’ve not had one yet. I know I’ve got many years of more gardening ahead of me so I mustn’t despair but it seems sad when at the beginning of spring we looked forward to so much fruitfulness and bounty. Ah well at least we’ve got a local greengrocer!

I was jolted back into writing by lovely comments made yesterday by Juggling Mother about my plans to have a thrifty pregnancy which came at a great time. I’ve just spent a week in hot sunny London with the twins visiting very special old friends and some very new little friends too. Meeting the three new babies made me realise that I’ve been refusing to get very excited about this pregnancy as was scared of disasterous things occuring but suddenly it felt nice cuddling such tinies, seeing such good friends who have known me for so many years (just six friends amounting to a grand total of 73 years of quality friendship) was an absolute tonic & perked me right up.
NB: Today I had an ultrasound scan of the baby in-utero and was really relieved to see the tiny person residing inside me looking well formed, giving healthy kicks and can beging to feel like the danger period is over although I refuse to count this chicken until it is actually hatched.

I hope to write more frequently about little bits and bobs and feel rubbish that I stopped. In summary I’ve been way tired/ low and lacking inspiration.

Sorry!

We had a really close shave on Sunday. I took the children to the local car boot sale for a VERY VERY special treat. They were thrilled to be going and within minutes we had found the treasures we had had on our wish lists for ages: a pretty swinging crib and high chair for Edie’s baby dolls/bunny and Toy Story characters Woody & a boxed Buzz. The kids were beside themselves with excitement and the nice youngish bloke behind the stall obviously had some entrepreneurial spirit in getting rid of all his old stuff so I shelled out the £3 necessary to buy the amazing finds.

The kids were literally skipping with joy as we carried our new booty back to the car and I was pretty happy too as I bought a ‘tree lupin’ (never heard of them but apparently they grow to be 5ft and have a thick woody trunk) for 25p and a lovely Readers Digest gardening book for my mum’s birthday.

As we got near the car I explained that I’d put Buzz and Woody in the boot until we got to our friends’ house a twenty minute drive away. My son begged and begged to be allowed to unwrap him in the car as we drove. He was so keen to get his hands on the new toy I couldn’t refuse so I handed the box to him and started the car and just as I began to pull away I could see in my mirror that the box was so huge and was full of polystyrene that his little 4 year old fingers wasn’t up to the job. Still in the car boot sale car park I stopped the car, got out, opened his door and told him I’d get Buzz out so he could play with him and I’d put the box in the boot (he really loved the box as much as the toy what with all the pictures on so this took quite a bit of negotiating).

EXTREMELY lucky I made that decision as I found a porn mag behind the polystyrene packaging where I guess our young stall holder friend had once hidden it from prying parental eyes… I can’t even imagine what my little lad and his twin sister would have made of it had they made the discovery while I was hurtling along at 50 miles an hour on our way to our friends’ house.

When I was seven my friend and I found the remnants of  an adult magazine in a rugby playing field. It shocked us a lot and even to this day I can still recall the images I saw.

Close thing! I get a bit wierded out each time I think of how different things could have been and how our innocent, picture perfect Sunday could have been changed.

Wow, I’m truly amazed. I have had a sore throat that has been getting steadily worse and worse for a few days now. It is getting to the point where I can’t swallow and even my ears were beginning to hurt and I was worrying that I might have full blown tonsillitis.

I typed in ’sore throat remedies’ into Google and came across this wonderful little gem. I decided to try it immediately especially after reading all the happy ex-sore throat sufferers feedback comments *and* knowing that I live in a house where cayenne pepper is never in short supply (in fact only yesterday we planted two rows of chilli plants into the vegetable garden, one row being cayenne):

#1 REMEDY: Cayenne Powder Cures Sore or Strep

We think the best remedy on this page for a sore throat (whether viral, bacterial or strep) is cayenne pepper. You may still need to continue the remedy for 2 - 3 days to see final results, so be patient! This remedy works when antibiotics do not and is excellent for those weird sore throats that don’t seem to go away after 4 weeks (the ones that possibly lead to chronic fatigue syndrome). This remedy works so well (and so fast), you will probably grow bored reading all the positive reader feedback below!

190 Yea 12 Nay

http://www.earthclinic.com/CURES/sore_throat.html

I’m literally gargling cayenne pepper water as I type this and only started doing so about 5 minutes ago but ALREADY I feel like I might be able to get some sleep tonight as my throat feels strangely better (and yes a little warm). I used a very small amount (five shakes) of spice and about three eggcup’s of water.

One testimonial on the above site states that ‘I even have cayenne pepper in my bathroom cabinet now so I don’t need to go to the kitchen for it when I am ill in the middle of the night’.

How can it be that I’ve never been told of this remedy after 20 years of having tonsillitis several times a year? I shall continue to gargle with this over the next day or two and will report back as to whether it really has stopped me from having to visit the doctor with a pair of infected, green toncills!

Next time I get the first tingle of a dodgy throat I’ll be shovelling cayenne pepper down my neck instead of sucking on throat lozenges which only dull the pain for as long as I’ve got one in my mouth.