Becoming Domestic

When we were deciding whether or not to have another baby after the twins turned 3 I scoured the internet for information to help us make this decision. Should we or shouldn’t we? Was it an insane thing to do or would it complete the family. Would it bankrupt us? Would we live in chaos and intolerable noise levels forever? Would a new arrival feel left out having older twin siblings? We had no way of knowing.

The strange thing about having twins is that although you have two children - which many would consider to be *plenty* it is wierd that they pass the same ages and stages at the same time and the knowledge and experience gained first time round cannot then be reused for a younger sibling. The huge wealth of parenting know-how built up over the first four years of having the twins helped us to decide that for us, another baby would (probably) be lovely. It felt like someone was missing, and we really could imagine ourselves in years from now having three grown up children round the dinner table rather than two. A friend of ours who also has twins who are now teenagers says he and his wife do look back and wonder why they didn’t have another to follow up the rear.

I came across this great writer in doing the research and her column about having three young children. It made me laugh and made me realise how busy/noisy/messy/relentless/exhausting having another baby would be…
Jennifer Eyre White

Like a Train Wreck (But In A Good Way)

By Jennifer Eyre White

I’ve been writing my column for a couple of years now, and this one is my last. I’ve had a blast writing for Literary Mama, and my favorite thing about being a columnist has been the emails I’ve gotten from other parents. A few of these lovely people have even asked me for advice on whether to have a third child. Since I have trouble figuring out whether I should have had a third kid myself — even 16 months after the fact — I’m probably not qualified to offer an opinion.

But if I were going to offer one, I’d start by asking some questions. Questions like, “How close are you to a Starbucks drive-through?” “Do you have easy access to a variety of high-quality medications?” “Are you comfortable with the idea of needing a cattle prod — or possibly a border collie — to control your herd of young?”

Lately I’ve been thinking that the most important question I should ask is, “What’s your tolerance for noise?” Because the difference between two kids and three is about 80 decibels.

[More…]

On Having Three Kids

By Jennifer Eyre White
http://www.literarymama.com/columns/degreesoffreedom/archives/000336.html

Where I live, just north of Berkeley, hardly anyone has more than two kids. I suspect it’s because so many families have two career-oriented parents, and kids are really bad for careers. Or maybe it’s because it’s so expensive to raise kids here. I dunno. Anyway, when Kennard and I decided to have our third child, we became something of an anomaly in our social circle. And after little Kirby was born six weeks ago, a lot of our friends started asking us, what’s it like having three kids?

Here’s what it’s been like so far. Read the rest of this entry »

Our little baby arrived in the small hours of Thursday 24th January and we were thrilled to discover that the mystery resident was a baby girl all along. We have named her Scarlett and cannot believe how tiny or how lovely she is.

Of course it is now a constant juggle to manage a house, a business, two five year olds and a newborn but compared to the inexperienced parenting of tiny twins in 2003 this is an easy time. The bigger children are already in a fixed routine which involves them waking at 7am, having breakfast, getting dressed and washed for school and then being at school until 3pm. The baby has been extremely easy to fit in with this routine primarily by starting her day at 7am for her first feed and then structuring her naps/feeds throughout the day to ensure she is both well rested and well fed by the time it is bath & bedtime at 6-7pm.

We give her a bottle of expressed milk at 10pm (enabling me to get a nice long interupted stint of sleep from 9pm) and then she only wakes once or twice for a feed after that. No matter what kind of night we have had I wake her each morning at 7am to start the day.

She loves being cuddled and isn’t at all fond of being put down to fall asleep on her own but being only 15 days in this world we’ll let her off. It is a joy to have the luxury of snuggling one small babe who lived so long within when the last experience of new motherhood was fraught with tensions as ‘The Other Twin’ always was next to the baby being dealt with needing its turn and there was never any time for lovely special things like cuddles, quiet crooning or just being awe struck by the miracle of little human life.

Small Boat

You’re safely launched and named,
champagned,
and you rest now alongside
while we two stuff your tiny hold
with food and weightier freight - our pride,
ambitions, hopes - all the old
cargo with which we were burdened,
for you to carry onwards
over our horizon
to futures too distant forour eyes.

Some day
too soon, you’ll slip your morring
and sail away
upon the morning
while we will wave you off
across the miles
with small brave smiles
and handy hankerchiefs.

Our hearts’ new cockleshell,
we wish you well.

(Don Barnard)