Becoming Domestic

A slightly shocking discovery was made this week when an eBay seller told me she had been made to stop an auction of her pre-loved washable nappies as eBay authorities deem them too unhygenic to sell.

As a member of the keen-to-be-green community I had made my mind up that we would use washable nappies with our expected new arrival and, like most of the things we buy, I didn’t want to buy new as I know that there must be piles of outgrown expensive, high quality, reusable nappies looking for a new home.

I had already begun to wonder why there were no bundles of used nappies being sold on eBay until eventually I spotted the reason in this sellers description. She and I entered into a dialogue and she told me how the site had fairly recently changed its policy on the selling of reusable nappies.

My first reaction was to think ‘Oh how ridiculous! Fine then I’ll just have to set up my own auction website for the sale of 2nd hand nappies and related paraphanelia!’ but after a very small amount of research was pretty relieved to find that a woman who had made the same discovery as me regarding eBay’s rules had done just that and has set up the website

http://www.usednappies.co.uk/

A site dedicated to those wishing to sell on or buy used nappies. It certainly makes a lot of sense.

I don’t know the actual story behind eBay’s radical stance on real nappies (perhaps the eBay directors also sit on the board of Pampers & Huggies manufacturers…). My immediate reaction was one of dismay when I realised I wouldn’t able to buy them as I had planned because the sorts of people committing to using real nappies are exactly the sorts of people who are keen to save this country from being gradually turned into one large rubbish tip and to be disincentivised from recycling via passing on or selling nearly new nappies to new owners defeats the whole object.

If one doesn’t know where to buy second hand nappies despite good intentions one is forced to buy brand new stock which aside from being a huge expense (approx £200 to kit new baby out in enough washable nappies to last until it is potty trained I’m told) is not exactly following the ‘Reduce, Reuse, Recycle’ mantra we are told to chant. It is promoting the production and consumption of new goods. If one can’t sell on the £200 or so worth of nappies at the end of the infant’s babydom then they will be forced to be dumped in landfill just like the filthy disposables we are told take up so much landfill space. Also surely if there is a healthy second hand market then less people would mind shelling out the initial investment for pristine new nappies if they new they would recoup at least a small bit of cash for them in a few years time.

Grrrrr!

Before I found UsedNappies.co.uk I was left wondering where I could get my hands on such contraband and wrote a ranty ‘WANTED’ post to my local Freecyle network. A few blessed soles wrote back to me and this afternoon I was delighted to relieve a couple of women of their bags full of pretty, clean, freshly laundered nappies. The are about 20 or so nappies of makes I have heard of (Kooshies, Mother-Ease) so I figure I have already saved a good £150 by not being forced to buy them new.

The woman who originally told me that she was not able to sell her used nappies is selling a couple + liners to me privately for £7 and next week there is an NCT nearly-new sale which apparently specialises in maternity, baby and child related items. I will have a word with the organisers to see if they can promote the resale of second hand washable nappies in the absence of well known eBay’s help.

I’ve been back in the office for a couple of weeks now that the children have started school and are there Mon-Fri until 3pm each day.

For the first couple of weeks I had quite a backlog of paperwork and spreadsheets to bring up to date but now am able to do everything I need to by being there Mon-Thurs.

As a celebration of being on my own with nobody requiring my services until school finished last Friday I took myself for a long overdue haircut (awful I feel like a shorn sheep with unruly curls springing out from all over my head instead of hanging down in demure ringlets) & then a completely frivolous but highly enjoyable manicure & pedicure combo (still getting my money’s worth 3 days later everytime I catch a glimpse of my pampered, glossy digits) THEN topped it off with a really nice lunch in a really laid back but stylish, wholefoody cafe with two lady-friends. All *very* pleasant and lovely but not something I wish to make a weekly habit.

My dilema is what does one do with oneself on one short day when one doesn’t have small kids to take care of and not in the office….? I’m especially aware that such a once a week treat will only be available for a very limited time as by January I will be back in the 27-7-365 role of being mummy to a new baby. The pressure to relax and use this weekly slot to its maximum benefit is on!

Once upon a time the answer would have been to Go Shopping and I would have merrily meandered round retail establishments looking, touching and buying their wares. Nowadays I’m much more consumer conscious, have way too much stuff already and want to remain as thrifty as possible so I can have money for things that are actually important to me.

If I was still in London I would maybe visit a gallery or museum or meet a friend for lunch or coffee.  Maybe I should do that round here.

One  thing I very rarely make time to do and now use the constant small companions as an excuse is exercise. Admitedly I’m always on the go - bringing laundry downstairs or putting clean clothes away, ferrying meals or empty plates to/from the table. But why not make the time in my diary for a nice long riverside stroll, a swim, a yoga class or a bike ride. That sounds really appealing.

Something I know I’d love to get off my to do list (but am not so keen on actually doing) are all the little household jobs which aren’t easy to do when the children are here. I think I know in my heart that it is these seemingly boring tasks that would actually give me the most satisfaction and inner peace once they had been ticked off. Instead of telling myself it is ’sad’ to want to do such mundane things on such a precious alone time I’m going to give myself credit for knowing myself well enough to know what will make me feel like I’ve spent my free time well, that I’ve made our home environment even more lovely by spending time on it and with the help of some really loud music I reckon I’ll relish getting my hands dirty and having time and space to let my mind wander and achieve good things. What’s on my list?

• Do some gardening - plant some spring bulbs, clear the vegetable plot of its nasty blanket of weeds, clear the path of weeds, try to locate the flower border under yet more weeds, clear out summer tubs
• Take toys which are broken/ no longer played with out of the toy boxes and thrown away or Freecycled
• Get rid of unwanted / too small clothes, odd socks etc.
• Filing of papework, purging of old unrequired papers, sort out ‘In Case of Emergency’ summary details of life insurance policy details, bank account numbers, pension locations
• Put photographs into albums
• Donate surplus paperbacks to the library

The last idea I’ve just had as well as the ones listed above will be to take advantage of the ability to sleeeeeeep during the day. Shame it can’t be bottled up and used sparingly when really desperate for just the smallest of cat naps.

[Update: I decided not to write a note to the teacher after all as really don’t want to be a tricky customer]

I’m planning to write a quick note to the teacher/school on Monday as I need to nip a potential problem in the bud but I really don’t want to be known as the troublemaking parent just 5 days into the twins’ time at their new primary school.

I was in our office this morning writing some letters, sorting out financial forecasts and other bits and pieces when I took a phone call from the school’s office who had rang to tell me that my son had had a short sharp nose bleed. He was ok but would I please bring him a new jumper and polo shirt to wear. I was really taken aback and explained that I was at work. I queried how sodden the jumper was to warrant a parent going home tp personally courier in a fresh sweatshirt. The secretary said ‘Hold on a moment’ then came back to phone and said ‘Yes he is going to need a fresh change of clothes’. I imagined that he had managed to cover himself in blood and was soaked the the skin. Luckily I had planned to purchase a couple of extra school logo’d sweatshirts anyway and in my haste I asked her to sell me two and to put one on them (usually I am more inclined to buy 2nd hand school uniform for 50p per sweatshirt rather than £8 apiece) which I’m now regretting.

Errr both my husband and I had many many gushy nosebleeds as small children and neither of us recall having our parents involved in bringing in urgent fresh clothes.

Ten minutes later I took another call from the school secretary because my daughter had fallen on her head was allegedly groggy and needed to be taken home. Of course I went straight to the school to get her. As she she came out I was handed a plastic bag of her brother’s clothes. I got them out at home to soak in cold water and was curious to see that his ‘Blood stained jumper’ which had required me to leave work to swap actually had two smallish blobs of blood on the neckline and his polo shirt had a fifty pence piece sized splat on the collar.

I fail to see how a school can expect a parent to drop what they are doing in order to provide spotless clothes for a four year old child who has got a tiny bit grubby during the school day. Most perculiar. I have a definite need to get to the bottom of this rather strange policy. I mentioned the incident to one of the other mums (of four kids at the same school) while we were waiting for the school day to end in the playground she replied ‘Oh they’re terrible for doing that! They called me at work once to bring fresh trousers for my son just an hour before the end of the school day because the button had fallen off them’. She told them he could wear his PE trousers or they could fasten his trousers with a safety pin but she could not leave her shift at the shop an hour early for such a non-event.

(NB: The child who was sent home to me today because of a bumped head was full of beans all afternoon which was great for her but not so good for me. The strange thing is that when her brother suffered a bumped head earlier in the week and then proceeded to sleep all afternoon in the book corner I was only told at home time…. I am now officially a confused parent of small school children)

I’ve just realised that I’ve stumbled upon a new improved way of feeding my children which has been mighty successful.

Instead of cooking a classic dinner such as spaghetti bolgnaise, fish fingers and mash etc with vegetables and then battling with them to eat up and finally, defeated hoovering most of the left overs up myself. I now don’t know what I’m putting on the table until a few minutes before and just raid the fridge for ‘grazing items’ bearing in mind that a good meal will have representation from the major food groups (carbohydrates, protein and of course the all important fruit n veg).

It seems to me that both children are now eating far more fresh fruit and vegetables than before as they prefer raw snacks and as there is a wide choice of things to pick from both are eating their fill of things they enjoy but occasionally tempted to try something they would not have previously entertained eating. They are also rarely eating processed food.

As an example tonight for tea I opened the fridge and grabbed the following and a delicious spread was provided by the time they washed their hands and sat down:

• Half a corn on the cob each (microwaved) with a big knob of butter next to it
• Half a pitta each
• Cherry tomatoes for Edie
• Sugar snap peas for Mo
• A wedge of Edam cheese
• A slice of ham
• A glass of milk
• Chopped apple for Mo / orange for Eden
• A fromage frais

Yum!

So now I try to have a load of fresh salady items in the fridge (carrots, celery, tomatoes, peppers, cucumber) and a fruit bowl full of fruit (apples, oranges, pears, bananas, grapes), a few different cheeses (cream cheese, cheddar, Edam), some meats (ham is a favourite, so is beef, tins of tuna in oil), a few bready/cereal options (pitta, sliced white, tortillas, crackers, rice cakes) fruit juices, milk, yoghurts. My son also loves dried fruits such as apricots, banana chips, prunes, cranberries.

One of my kids loves rice, noodles and potatoes but the other hates them so as a result I never cooked a kids meal with these things in. I do however cook extra rice or potatoes in the evening if I am cooking them for myself and Bealers, pop the leftovers in the fridge and have a very delighted child when they are presented with a small, cold bowl of beloved carbs to munch on.

This morning saw another flash of foodie inspiration. It was Day 4 of kids being ready to leave the house for school by 8.20am. Yesterday I was charging around the house at 8.19 looking for hairbands, flannels to wipe faces, shouting for them to get their shoes on etc so I told them today would be different. They were to get dressed BEFORE they went downstairs (a first) I told them this was because they are now Big Children and I know they won’t spill cereal on their school uniform. They were then to brush teeth and then they would be allowed to watch TV but only until 8am when we would all do final last minute bits & bobs before leaving the house (ie. not gawping at the telly until the moment we were due to leave the house and then announcing they needed a wee).

It worked like a dream and as an added bonus they were sitting at the kitchen table chatting to me pleasantly and looking at their reading books (what angels!) while I merrily made their daddy’s lunchtime sandwich. I asked them if they’d like some bread or fruit. They both ended up eating half an apple (one chopped in half to share as , some milk and some nice warm crusty baguette. I was pleased as am not convinced that they’ll last until lunchtime without a snack at school.

Mealtime grazing seems to be the way forward for the younger members this family especially now that they are having hot school dinners of a traditional nature (shepherds pie, spaghetti and meatballs, chicken neopolitan, vegetable korma this week).

I can’t believe how generous people have been with giving away their baby clothes, bottles, maternity gear, moses baskets, towels, baby baths, blankets, sleeping bags, toys, bibs washable nappies etc.

All this has been kindly passed on to me before even sending out an official announcement that I’m trying to have a frugal pregnancy/eco-baby to the 10 or so friends who have had babes in the past couple of years for anything they would otherwise be giving to charity/Freecycle.

I’m *so* grateful but also understand that for those who don’t plan to have any more children outgrown baby gear can accumulate so quickly and can easily clutter up one’s home so it fdoes feel really nice to pass it on.

The one exception to the ‘only 2nd hand baby stuff for us please’ rule might have to be the product I found myself drooling over a few nights ago. I can’t quite recall how I managed to stumble across it (I think it was via either an online stockist of reusable nappies or a similar shop having searched for TENS machine hire). ANYWAY I found myself looking at pictures of happy babies sleeping soundly in a specially designed baby hammock instead of a crib, a moses basket or a cot. We have been given a moses basket which I now intend to put to good use when the little one is awake and just kicking around. Instead of having him/her on a play mat where its bigger brother & sister could accidently fall on it I’ll just lug it round the house with me when I’m attempting to get on with chores in another room

The theories with the baby hammocks are that a baby is snuggled into a hammock which more closely mimicks the movement and position of the in-utero sleeping quarters, the baby’s own movement on waking and waving their arms & legs around will rock them gently back to sleep, they don’t develop ‘flat head syndrome’ which one of my twin babies did from always having to sleep with the head to one side in its vast draughty cot when they were a miniscule 5lb baby, the thing is light-weight and portable so Titch can sleep in its own bed when the family is staying elsewhere overnight, and it doesn’t take up loads of room.

I’d love to speak to someone who has used this instead of a moses basket, crib or cot to see whether it is as lovely as it sounds. For £150 it is a lot of money but this price compares very favourably to the huge fortune one could choose to spend on a new baby. I also figure the small mountain of donated items in the corner of the room here behind me has easily saved us well over £150 so I feel very much entitled to treat myself and my tiny stranger at least the option of having a good night’s sleep occasionally.

http://www.amby.co.uk/

http://www.moffii.com/acatalog/Cocoon.html

Our twin children start at school tomorrow. For a couple of years we have wondered whether educating them at home instead of sending them to school would be best for our family. The question first arose when we lived and worked in London and weren’t particularly happy with the idea of them attending the local school there.

In investigating the logistics and reality of home education we came across several wonderful blogs and websites written by families who were successfully keeping their children at home and enjoying watching them learn at their own pace things that interested them rather than being force to sit in the same classroom day in and day out following a National Curriculum. There seemed to be a common theme with all of them that being family orientated instead of work orientated led to a more satisfying way of life.

As a parent the way of life described in the websites we found seemed appealing to the extreme. A couple of them in particular had the effect of our re-evaluating our existence in London and within a few weeks we had quit our jobs, took the children out of private day nursery and downshifted to a life in the Worcestershire countryside where I became full time stay at home mother and Bealers set up a new internet software company similar to the one he had sold in London. The children were still only 3 years old last year when we made this move and the option of home education instead of mainstream school still very much appealed.

By September last year the children were eligible for five sessions per week at the local nursery which had just relocated its premises to a classroom within the local village primary school, adjacent to the reception class. At around the same time the business Bealers had set up took off tremendously well and it made sense for me to do some of the basic admin/office management tasks while he was busy doing fee earning client projects. The kids had a few settling in sessions which they loved as there were toys we didn’t have at home, messy play, painting etc. as well as children their own age. Having attended nursery from a very young age they were sociable creatures who loved making new friends.

The academic year ended in July for six weeks summer holiday by which time our minds were pretty much made up that both kids would move up to the reception class with seventeen of their little classmates from the pre-school room.

We are extremely fortunate that the village/town we have moved to has a wonderful, small primary school which plays a large role in the community here. It is in a picturesque setting with loads of green space. For the reception class there are two teachers yet only nineteen children. If one is going to send ones children to school after years of planning to home educate then this is a good one.

A huge factor in our decision to not keep the children at home is the free 30 hours of childcare primary school offers while I am able to go to the office, bill clients, pay staff, order stationery and the like. Our offices are a one minute walk away from the school so I am able to take them there and pick them up each day which I would not have been able to do if we were still living our ‘previous life’ in London as I worked full time.

My plan is to constantly monitor how happy both children are attending full time school. My gut feeling is that five days a week at this age is far too much so have an idea that within a year from now I will approach the head teacher to talk about the idea of flexi-schooling or part-time schooling where they are attending school for three or four days a week but doing things with me the remaining days of the week. He seems to be a very interesting non-conformist character and so I hope he will be open to this as a suggestion.

I know my daughter will thrive in school as there is nothing she likes more than sitting quietly doing drawing, writing, reading, making things, counting or playing nicely with other children. My son however is very much like I was at his age - super keen on the social side of school (and cannot wait to be reunited with his chums tomorrow) but not at all keen on the sitting down and doing ‘boring’ things. He will most probably have a reputation for being charming, funny, good at reading, talking, acting, singing and computing but will distract his other classmates when it is time for repetitive academic pursuits which require him to sit still and focus his attention.

I know that for our family, right now we have made the right decision but as with all other decisions I reserve the right to keep it constantly under review and perhaps do a massive U-turn in my thinking in the future. They are both thrilled that tomorrow is the first day of school and are really happy to be big enough to sport a school uniform. It does feel like a bit of a rite of passage for them to be leaving me tomorrow after six weeks at home in their too-big jumpers, neatly brushed hair and scuff-free Clarks shoes. I shall miss them I know I will.

At the beginning of this year I finally self-diagnosed myself as having Coeliac Disease after 20 years of tummy troubles and knowing that something in my diet must be causing the agonising distended stomach and cramps. It took a long time of gradual realisation, piecing together facts about Coeliac Disease before I finally took the plunge and cut out wheat, oats and barley from my diet.

Luckily I was never a huge bread, pastry or cakes eater but I do miss pasta, sandwiches, biscuits, yorkshire puddings, dumplings, crumble and puff pastry. A large proportion of the Great British diet involves wheat we love ‘tea time foods’.

I’m writing this post as it occurred to me that like myself there might be many people who have something bothering them in the digestion department and have never heard of Coeliac Disease and have no idea how simple it is to cure or who might suspect they need to remove gluten from their diet but are worried that it will mean a bland diet which is awkward to incorporate into family life.

It was about five years ago when a friend and I lost weight using the Atkins Diet that I realised I had been feeling well for the first time since my teens. It suddenly occurred to me that the culprit(s) to my chronic (but not serious enough to warrant visiting a doctor) abdominal complaints must have been one of the carbohydrate foods abandoned during the spell of Atkins compliance.

A couple of years later I became plagued by itchy, ulcerated rash patches on my legs which never seemed to heal. I blamed the fact that I wore leather boots all year round and didn’t take much notice. One day I decided to have soya milk on my cereal instead of cows milk in case it was dairy products causing the rash but instead had a hugely violent reaction which consisted of time off work, all over itchy hives, visits to the doctor and other symptoms (I don’t think I made the connection that the soya milk had caused it I was diagnosed as having a strange virus).

Coeliac Disease is a permanent intolerance to gluten, a protein found in many grains but especially wheat, outs, barley and rye. The intolerance can be severe or mild and can produce a multitude of symptoms ranging from diarrhea, constipation, vomiting, headaches, stomach pains, bloatedness, depression, lethargy, breathlessness. Left untreated (ie. continuing to eat gluten) it can lead to long term health problems such as anaemia, osteoporosis, gut lymphoma (cancer) and problems surrounding fertility and pregnancy.

In a person with coeliac the villi (microscopic projections) of the small intestine become flattened instead of standing up and providing a huge surface area of food-absorbing gut wall.

Most of the websites and books relating to coeliacs will tell you that the first step is to visit your doctor. I did this and told them of my suspicion that I was ‘allergic’ to wheat but was curtly told ‘Well wheat is a very bloating food’. Soon after that I became pregnant and the option of samples of my gut being sent away for testing was not appealing. instead I decided to cut out all products containing gluten and to read more information about Coeliac Disease. I very quickly became convinced that I had made the correct diagnosis as have not had an ‘attack’ (which consisted of my having to go to bed with very bad stomach aches). The information ‘out there’ will tell you NOT to give up gluten prior to visiting the doctor as you can not have an accurate diagnosis without continuing to include gluten in the diet for at least 6 weeks prior to tissue samples being taken. Personally the thought of going back to the pain of eating wheat for 6 weeks is enough to make me satisfied that I can live without an ‘official’ diagnosis. There is a theory that you should get a professional opinion as it may be something (more serious?) causing similar symptoms….

During my period of laywoman’s research I’ve also learnt that sufferers often have a tell-tale raised, blistery rash on their limbs, soya allergies are related that it is genetically inherited (my mother has had crippling stomach disorders which have never been explained for as long as I can remember, she failed to thrive as a child has always been underweight, is always lacking in energy and feeling low and also my young son who is so like me in very many other ways will always have a bout of mild diarrhea after eating pure wheat breakfast cereals).

Luckily I really love eating rice and potato which now form the basis of my cereal intake. I eat rice crispies, cornflakes, eggs, gluten free toast or yoghurt for breakfast, I always have avocado on the shopping list as these are a great alternative to a sandwich when we’re out and about (I pack a little tub of salad dressing to pour in the well and eat with a spoon), I make extra rice or potatoes so I can have a rice/potato salad for lunch. We don’t ever eat pasta (but the kids do) as I don’t like the gluten-free alternatives or pies and when I make fish and chips I use a coating of seasoned cornflour and bashed up rice crispies to coat the fish (using raw egg to stick). For sweet treats I have chocolate, macaroons, rice crispie cakes, yoghurt, fruit and am always on the look out for nice wheat-free recipes.

Coeliac Storecupboard Basics (taken from http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/mostof_coeliac2.shtml)

• Bicarbonate of soda
• Buckwheat flour
• Coffee
• Cornflour
• Cornmeal
• Cream of tartar
• Dried and fresh yeast
• Dried fruit
• Dried pulses, lentils and beans
• Dijon mustard
• Food colouring
• Garlic purée
• Gluten-free baking powder
• Gluten-free pasta
• Golden syrup
• Gram flour
• Icing sugar
• Jam
• Jelly
• Marmalade
• Milk powder
• Millet flakes
• Mint sauce
• Nuts, including ground almonds
• Oils
• Polenta
• Pure vanilla extract
• Rice
• Rice bran, rice flakes
• Rice flour
• Rice noodles
• Rice paper wrappers
• Seeds
• Soya flour
• Sugar
• Tamari soy sauce
• Tapioca flour
• Tea
• Tomato purée
• Vinegars
• Whole spices