Becoming Domestic

As I walked in to the pre-school classroom today I was less than overjoyed to be greeted by my kids waving A3 sheets and screaming in double unison ‘We’ve stuck LOADS of pictures of all the THINGS we NEED Santa to bring for us!!’ and so they had - hundreds of photos of toys cut from various catalogues of brightly super-hero themed coloured gadgets (my son) and pastel pink dollies/ponies galore (my daughter).

Before going to school today neither of my 3 year olds knew of the existence of many of the toys they later were frentically ripping and sticking and insisting Santa would be bringing them on the 25th December. As I escorted them out of their classroom I fixed my grin and commented loudly to them and their teacher that it was marvellous to like so many things so Father Christmas would have a lovely range to choose ONE from. I was quietly livid that our kids had been exposed to the wicked world of blatant overproduction when we have gone to quite big lengths to keep them away from shops, tv advertising and the idea that small people living in this society should learn to expect so much when so many people in the world have so little.

The children are aware that it is Christmas for the first time in their little lives and we are really enjoying setting up traditions which will presumably last for their entire childhoods (eg. the annual retrieving of the Christmas decorations from the loft, the singing of the carols and listening to Christmas CDs, making and sending cards and gifts, seeing loads of favourite people, getting a tree and so on) but someone else putting the idea that they are are at liberty to dictate what will be given to them with little regard for how much it would cost has made me feel angry. I wanted my kids to be thrilled with the few choice presents Bealers and I have bought for them (a kiddie torch each, Guess Who game, Shrek play doh some 2nd hand books, 2nd hand duvet sets and a couple of bug catcher/microscope thingies) but now feel slightly worried that the expectations they have will not be met.

I know that their pre-school teachers have a tiring day and it has been a long term and they all have their own Christmases to organise at home but to me this is slightly lazy teaching which the children could have done without. If they had been asked instead to draw pictures of things they might wish for or maybe just had a chat about how the whole Christmas giving and receiving things with love works I’d have been completely cool but instead I’m a tad worried about the quiet chat I feel I’m needing to have with the pre-school teachers about why I’m annoyed. Generally when I have such chats I end up feeling like the freak with old-fashioned principles but as they are principles I most probably will and should say something in case other parents feel the same way and to save future classes of pre-schoolers from thinking that each and every desirable thing can and will be theirs each Christmas!

The ironic thing is that this morning as we got up both children wailed ‘We don’t want to go to school’ and yet again I questioned myself as to why I was sending them and what could they learn in a large class that I couldn’t teach them at home…

I hope I don’t sound like a whinging anti-fun mummy today or that I’m making a big deal out of a very small incident but I do feel increasingly concerned about the way the end of year festival is celebrated by endless shopping when really it could just be a jolly time to get together, eat some lovely things, light a lot of candles and yes enjoy receiving the odd treat which otherwise would not be something we’d have.

Ever since I signed up in July I’ve been hooked on FlyLady’s daily email reminding me to give my bathroom a daily ’swish & a swipe’, to drink plenty of water throughout the day, to get everyone’s clothes for the next day ready the evening before, to give each room in my house a focus for a few days each month but above all I have been LOVING her regular advice for getting prepared for the ‘Holidays’ (she’s extremely american).

I come from a very small, quiet, non-religious family who never made much of a thing about Christmas when I was a child but I have always stated that it’s my favourite time of the year as it combines all my favourite things: being host to lovely people enjoying themselves, eating, drinking, giving presents, making the house look lovely and singing (I love do love the Christmas singing!) but had little idea of how to organise it all without busting various blood vessels during December. FlyLady has shown me how.

This year as we have downshifted and moved much nearer to our families in Bristol (and because we have kids are at that lovely age of nearly four years old) we have lots of family coming to stay with us. Normally I would be paralysed by fear at the prospect of all that hostessing, shopping/card sending/food prep etc but thanks to FlyLady’s daily pearls of wisdom (such as ‘Stop being a perfectionist’) I’m really really enjoying the run up to Christmas and am so happy that I’m on top of all the various things we do to make it a happy holiday for one and all.

One piece of advice she gave her so called FlyBabies was to carry a notebook with us exclusively for jotting down christmas related lists (who to send cards to, gift ideas, budget tally, menu planning, food buying, catalogue numbers and item codes blah blah blah). Well my 25p notebook is now full of lists having carried it with me and used it whenever I’m waiting for the kids to come out of pre-school or minding them while their enjoying their bath…

For the first time I’ve managed to
(a) define a realistic Christmas budget for gifts, food, booze, cards, stamps and wrapping AND HAVE STUCK TO IT

(b) have made just enough Christmas cards over a period of weeks & stamps rather than buying loads and then despairing as I wade through a never ending list of people to write them to in one all night session. This year my list is much shorter and I’ve written the labels ready to stick on the envelopes a few at a time.

(c) resisted the temptation to go ‘Christmas shopping’ and instead have made things, bought online having researched first or have bought vouchers/tickets for experiences rather than adding to relatives’ unwanted clutter

(d) made a food/drink list and have been buying a few of the bulky/heavy non-perishables each week rather than in one double trolley laden expedition nearer to Christmas

(this last one is my idea rather than FlyLady’s but it worked last year so I did it again)

(e) kept the spending down by buying pretty or useful things throughout the year whenever I saw them in a sale, in a charity shop or at a great price, I even put decent things that I had but no longer needed and I stashed them in a big box on top of the wardrobe - when I looked through the box in mid-November and compared it to the people I wanted to give a present to I already had a good number of them covered! Free presents - yay me!

Check out the FlyLady’s ‘Holiday Control Journal‘ for loads of really lovely christmassy ideas all focussing on the fun and joy of the season rather than the stress and the overconsumption.

Back to FlyLady in general though -when I first signed up for her daily email it was more for research than anything else but I haven’t yet unsubscribed as I do really value the reminders to do certain little things because of the profound effect they can have on your whole day (eg. coming down to find a clean kitchen in the morning rather than a sink full of stinky pans).

I’ve also begun to build the following habits into my daily routine (she introduced us subscribers to each month in 2006):

• January - Shining your Sink
• February - Decluttering for 15 minutes a day
• March - Getting Dressed to the Shoes (first thing in the morning)
• April - Making your Bed
• May - Moving
• June - Drinking Water
• July - Swish and Swipe
• August - Laundry
• September - Before Bed Routine
• October - Paper Clutter
• November - Menu Planning
• December - Pamper yourself

‘Bunny’ has been in my little daughter’s arms since Edie was born. She started life as a very fluffy pretty little cream toy bought by the twins’ Aunty Madders but after nearly 4 years of ear chewing and cuddling has turned into a greyish, slightly smelly, threadbare thing which Edie has to have with her most of the time but especially in bed.

During a family drive Edie let out a very shocked wail from the back seat ‘Mummmmy Bunny is broooooooooken!’ and with horror I turned round to see that Bunny’s eye had popped out during a bout of particularly passionate face-chewing. Poor Edie was horrified to see her favourite friend so hideously disfigured and we were forced to stop the car to issue soothing words and cuddles (for about 20 minutes!). She spurned the toy and wouldn’t have it in the back of the car with her.

The safety hazards of allowing a small child to bed with an eye-bolt prone to popping out are obvious (choking on it) so I tried to deploy ‘Fluffy Bunny’ who is a replica of the same toy but in pristine condition due to living in the top of my cupboard for the last three years. Edie announced sadly as she tried to snuggle up with the replacement ‘I don’t want to sleep with this one. I just like cuggling Bunny not Rabbit’.

Fear on my part ensured as although my daughter is fabulous in almost every single way the one thing she’s never been very good at (compared with her twin brother) is sleeping through the night. Anything that may cause her to wake me up even more than the usual twice each night is something to be avoided!

I decided that the only thing to do was to fashion a attractive an eye patch not dissimilar to the BBC’s Children in Need’s ‘Pudsey Bear’ and hunted through Eden’s dolly clothes collection to find something suitable (obvious prerequisites to me were that it be either pink or red as all other colours are ‘not very pretty’ according to E. herself). I happened across a lovely red/white gingham bib from a cloth dolly which luckily is part of a twin set so we have spares and in consultation with Edie showed he how it would be just the job for fixing over Bunny’s eye. I hand stiched it despite having v. rusty sewing skills but amazingly the stiches don’t show and Eden and her bro were intrigued as to how the new adornment were fastened on.

Eden seemed ok with the new eye patch the next morning and all day but started weeping at bedtime that she needed to take it off. I lay with her and agreed that it was very sad that Bunny was getting old and had had a poorly eye but now felt much better as the eye patch made her feel nice again and that it was lovely to look after a special toy the way Edie looks after her Bunny (taking her everywhere and has only once spent the night without her).

Anyway, she finally fell asleep with the new-look Bunny and ever since then has had great pride in explaining to people who care about Bunny’s welfare why she now sports countryside-chic eyewear.

I really don’t like the idea of ironing and since I stopped using the tumble drier when we moved (and downshifted to a simpler way of life) in favour of the outside washing line to conserve energy usage I do get a lot of crinkled clothes forming a large pile in a basket in the corner which grows and grows until I have to spend a really good chunk of time tackling it and getting it down again.

This morning I felt really bad as my dear Bealers was driving off to a sales meeting in Birmingham and couldn’t find any of his shirts - they were all crispy and crumpled in the ironing mountain. Not good housewiffery! Oh dear.

I’ve come up with a solution which I hope is an incentive to getting ironing done as it comes in off the washing line - when the pile is still fairly manageable…

I tell the children they can watch a ‘family film’ (usually something by Disney/Pixar which requires an adult with them as its a bit violent/scary in parts) if they are really well behaved all day and that it’ll be nice for me as I’ll be able to do my ironing while they are watching it.

The kids then tax me out to get the ironing board out as they are so keen to watch the film and there are only so many times I can say ‘in a minute…’ so eventually I do end up getting through the ironing and its never quite as bad as I think it will be especially as I chuckle away with the kids to our favourite lines in Finding Nemo or Toy Story 2. End result is that by the time Bealers arrives home all the ironed shirts are hanging up in his wardrobe and happy kids are in bed getting ready to dream computer animated dreams of fishy/toy characters.